Grief Expectations
October 30, 2010
When I think of myself one word usually comes to mind. Strong. Yep, I can handle anything – well, God can handle anything, and He likes to share His strength with me. I’m actually horribly weak, but I “think” I’m strong. Okay, now that I’ve completely confused you – you’re exactly where I am. Confused.
Saying Goodbye – Through Facebook
October 4, 2010
My last month with Mom === As seen on Facebook.
The last month of my mom’s life was shared through various ways on Facebook with my friends. You’ll see videos, posts, status updates, comments, and condolences.
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Happy Shot
September 7, 2010
I know that biblically speaking, the purpose of our lives are to glorify God. The cool thing about that is that we pretty much get to just be ourselves – and in the end, He is glorified through that. We leave little bits of our lives with people we meet. Some of us, leave more, some less. But we always leave something with others.
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Two Good Days – One Bad Day
August 27, 2010
I’ve been immersing myself in some new creative ventures. For the most part, it’s been a welcome distraction. It’s not that I’m trying to be distracted, it’s just that for me to sit around just feeling bad is not helpful, so I’m being creative. When I get absorbed in creation of a new project, I put myself wholly into it. It ignites me. Gives me vision for the future. And makes me feel like the future is good.
When I woke up today, I felt like a slug. I sat in my chair and looked at my screen. I could barely bring myself to even respond to an e-mail. It’s like I’ve gone into slow motion, but time is passing quickly. NO! I want it to slow down. If I can make time go slowly, then I will have more time. Tears want to come frequently today. I don’t want to fight it, but there are things I must do that would not be great with tear stained eyes. I’ve gotten up to go take a bath several times, but by the time I hit the bathroom, I just want to sit again. So I sit on the floor of the bathroom. I will myself to get up and go downstairs where I make a little lunch for Bryan and I as we talk about monsters. It was another welcome distraction. Except that I want to think about Mom. She called me today. I’m so thankful for her calls. I’ve been tempted to always let it go to voicemail when she calls so I can replay them later when she isn’t able to call anymore.
My voicemail message says to leave me a brief message. One time she called and said, “Brief, Brief, Brief, Brief, Brief.” Today she called and said, “I’m at the funeral home, need to know how to spell one of the kid’s names.” I don’t want her at the funeral home. I don’t want her needing to write down my kids’ names. I don’t want her to die! … and now..I’m going to go take a bath.
Goodbye Mom – My Journey
August 24, 2010
Goodbye Mom — not the journey I want to be on, but one I must travel nonetheless.
Today, you stood at the door in your white night gown, hand raised in as much of a wave as you could muster, “Goodbye Girls.” You said matter-of-factly. After the door closed, I felt my body heave with pain.
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Is It Time to Party?
January 22, 2010
Many of you know my mom was diagnosed with rapid growth small cell lung cancer right around Thanksgiving of 2009. Her first round of chemo began Friday after Thanksgiving. I had the pleasure (is that an oxymoron?) of being with her in the hospital when the doctor gave her the prognosis of just a couple of weeks to live without chemo or she could have a few months left with the chemo. Talk about heart wrenching!
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Another Life Chapter
November 29, 2009
One of the most interesting aspects of life is how it just doesn’t stay static – always changing – always offering new challenges. I’m not going to kid you, the last four years have been so difficult at times I was really looking forward to a time of smooth sailing. (I really was feeling like that would be right around the corner) — are you laughing yet?
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