The first was that I would often find myself feeling disappointed with the way Mother’s Day kind of turned out. I didn’t really want presents or anything, what I wanted was an accumulation of respect for what I did as a mom, all rolled into that one day. I wanted the house to be cleaned, food prepared, and all with smiles on their faces. Of course with 8 kids in under 12 years, that simply wasn’t realistic. I will admit it would have been nice to receive flowers and lavish gifts. But in my heart of hearts, I know that isn’t how people show their appreciation. And to be quite honest with you, I felt loved all the time. I felt like my children honored me every day of the year.

The second reason was that when I would get gifts from the kids and from Steve, they were really kind of … not great gifts. Steve would sometimes take the kids to Dollar General so they could pick out some items for me like cheap perfume, figurines, etc. Now I know I sound like I’m complaining..I’m not really. I loved the “idea” that the kids were choosing gifts for me. It was just that I didn’t really want any of the things they gave me.

One year, I was given flowers, by Steve. Here’s a sample picture of what the flowers looked like.

Yes! These are much like the ones I received for Mother's Day 2001.

How do you graciously accept flowers that you know are meant to be put at a cemetery? I smiled, and said, “thank you.” Then promptly called everyone I know and turned it into a very funny story. If I was going to be given a gravestone marker as my Mother’s Day flowers, I was going to milk it for all it was worth!

Steve strategically placed the flowers in the front yard very close to the street so that all the world could see that a “MOM” is at the house. Of course they wouldn’t know if the mom was dead or alive. But they would know that “MOM” is at the house.

As soon as he finished placing the flowers, I pulled out my “I’m blessing my kids today” thoughts. I liked to take them out for dinner. They thought they were taking me out for dinner. But I’ll tell you a little secret, if they were taking me out for dinner, I would not have chosen the McDonald’s Play Place. I even let them get Happy Meals and then I would take them for some kind of special dessert.

The gifts I really liked were the ones the kids would make themselves. They would make little clay pieces, drawings, or paintings. I didn’t really need flowers, because I had gifts from their hearts.

One of the neatest things the kids would do though is that they would make a banner for me. We had rolls of roll end paper from a newspaper office. Ashley would always direct the making of the banner. Each child would decorate a portion of their banner with their “signature.” I could always tell who decorated which portion and it wasn’t just because of their name being on it, but because they would take what was inside them, and transfer it onto a banner for me. Ashley would write Happy Mother’s Day in big letters, then “make” the rest of the kids add something. Tina would draw beautiful pictures of horses. Cathy would decorate the paper as if it were a party. David would write his name. John would write my name all over the paper. My name was “Mom.” Briana would do her hand prints. Erica smiled all over the paper. And Bryan would step on it. There was always a little footprint somewhere. I loved those banners.

This year I was away visiting with my mom and my sister on a trip to Vegas. In the airport while waiting for my flight I happened into the Brighton store. I spied a lovely ring and earrings that would go great with a lot of outfits that I wear. So I purchased them. When I got home and all the kids were gathered around me as I shared all the stories of my trip, I said to them, “Oh, do you want to see the Mother’s Day gift I bought for you to give me?” In unison they said, “YES!” I showed them the ring and the earrings. I handed them the gift bag and the tissue.

Briana said, “We have to wrap it?” (I may have set the standard too low in those early years.)

I took the present and said, “No, that’s just a formality we can dispense with this year.”

John took the gift bag, tissue, and gifts and said, “YES! We must wrap it.”

Then at 12:01 am John entered my room with a huge smile on his face and said, “Happy Mother’s Day” as he triumphantly handed me the gift bag. I opened it without any fanfare, just John and I sharing a mom and son moment. Inside the bag was not only the gifts I had bought myself but also a gift from John from his heart, a pottery vase he had made in art class. The art work he would create for me when he was very small, all seemed to combine into this one beautiful vase that he had made for me.

I love my kids..and to me…that’s really what Mother’s Day is all about. So today, I drove 30 minutes to the Krispy Kreme donut store so they could have donuts this morning before they went to church.

Happy Mother’s Day to me! and to my kids!

Proverbs 31:29

I turned into Miss Robotic. Everything became just matter-of-fact as I would share the information with loved ones. Inside I was weeping, on the outside, I was calm and steady. (until I got home a few days later)

My mom cracks me up all the time. On day two when the doctor came in her room she asked, “Is it terminal?” Maybe it’s odd to laugh at the question, but it just tickled me, and still does.

While in the hospital Mom said, “Well, since I don’t have much time left on the earth I better get myself a goal.” A while later she said, “My goal is to make everyone smile who comes in contact with me.” That is my mom! Life has never been about her – but always about others. Even though she was in immense pain she needed to get out of her hospital bed and walk. As we walked past the nurses station Mom suddenly began to dance. It was more like a hip-bump-bump kind of thing. But all of the nurses began to laugh. She took my hand, looked me in the eye and said, “Working on that goal!” – then she winked at me.

Without divine intervention, Mom is going to die. We have talked together about funeral arrangements and things like that.

When I was on the plane I saw in the Sky Mall magazine an ad for personalized playing cards. Mom LOVES to play cards. Most of my memories as a kid involve playing games with Mom. We played Cribbage, Five Hundred, all kinds of Solitair games, Nertz, etc. I thought this would be a perfect “take-away” for her family and friends.

I shared the idea with my sister who gently reminded me that they don’t give out party favors at funerals.

I still thought I had a brilliant idea and shared it with my mom on the phone. She LOVED the idea! She had me look up prices. She said, “I don’t want flowers at my funeral” But I would love to have playing cards for everyone.

The next day she called and said, “Did you know they have “living funerals?”

I said to her, “Mom! That’s called a party!”

She said, “Well, I want one!” I couldn’t believe the excitement in her voice when she began to talk about having a party. She would invite all of her family and then they wouldn’t have to come down for the funeral. They could remember her as being fun. (Have I mentioned that I decided a long time ago that I don’t “do” funerals?) She then started talking about having a garage sale at the same time and it would pretty much pay for the party.

I think it’s a grand idea! Then we can give out party favors! We talked about how to personalize the cards. I suggested a picture of her standing by the semi truck she used to drive. She liked that idea. Then I said, “Maybe the caption should simply say,
Ilene Harlan born June 17, 1945
SHE LIVED!

Mom loved it! – because it is the truth.

So, we’re planning a party. Y’all are invited!
Then ….later….. we’ll all get to have a party again!

I took this picture of Mom and Shileen when we went to visit last weekend. Mom was having a rough day. When I saw them sitting together like that, I just got such a sense of peace. She may be resting on the outside – but on the inside – she’s having a party!

Another thing my brain seems to do is actively invent new products. Oh, if I only had the resources to research all of my ideas! I may have figured out that what I really love is the research and not necessarily seeing the fruition of my idea. No, what I really love is telling someone my idea then having them tell me it’s “brilliant and you should do it!” That’s all I’m after, the words proclaiming how smart I am. (Now if that isn’t egotistical I don’t know what is – but I’m just being real here)

I would venture to say that on an average day I will use the phrase, “I have an idea” at least five times. Most of my ideas are ways to make the life of a mom just a little bit easier. With eight kids, I’ve had a lot of opportunity to make my life easier.

One of my ideas is a Night Owl Alarm Clock. It would be set at a certain time which would tell the child, “time to brush your teeth and put on your jammies.” Then 15 minutes later, it would chime again letting them know they are to get their FINAL drink of water. In five minutes another alarm would signal the child to get into bed. One more alarm (you set the time) would tell the child to put down the book and turn out the lights.  Isn’t it brilliant? Want to invest?

I’m always striving to solve problems. Case in point – The other day while visiting my mom in MO there was another visitor in the house. Little Xavier’s mom was in the hospital having a baby. She had to stay over an extra day so Xavier was staying with his Grandma (who my mom lives with). His Grandma gave Xavier a bath, but as she was getting him ready realized there were no longer any diapers in his suitcase.  It would be an hour before anyone could bring her diapers. Grandma got a little flustered with Xavier being “half neked.” I happened to look over and saw a Wal Mart bag. That’s when the idea took shape. We could put his legs through the bottom of the bag then take the loops and put his arms through the loops. Everyone laughed at my idea. I thought it was brilliant. His Grandma said, “There is no way he’ll let me put this on him.” She sat Xavier on her lap and proceed to slide his legs into the bag. The loops went over his arms, but kept falling down. I recommended a twist tie. We tied the loops behind him and he was able to go play without constantly being aware he was “half neked” and with Grandma not worrying about him having an accident on the couch.

As soon as he had on the “diaper” someone in the kitchen said, “Oh my gosh! It’s a redneck diaper!”

So, here is my first fully functional invention – The Redneck Diaper!

Xavier modeling his redneck diaper

This is a friend of a friend in Des Moines. She lives just off a busy street.

Well, there is good news and bad news about my
Christmas decorations this year Good news is that I truly
out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations.  The bad
news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come
screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made
me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic
accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year
old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it
against my house and didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the
top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who
attempted to do that. My yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than
a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard. Kind of feel like I
gave in to the  man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm
to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I
made him too real this time So it was fun while it lasted.  

My mom is relatively young, just 65, but hasn’t really kept herself in very good health. We had been talking about how cool it would be for her to move to Texas to live near the grandkids, who always seem to give her so much pleasure. I had grand ideas of getting my clutches into my mom. (Did I really say it like that?) I was hoping that we could help her with nutrition and exercise. These were things I was looking forward to doing.

My mom is one of those people who lights up a room. It’s like she carries her own little Christmas light all year long. Actually, she’s more like one of those goofy Christmas elves that sings and dances making everyone within a short distance stare — and laugh. Last Christmas she decided she was going to try to fly to the moon. She got a broomstick and started running around (I don’t know how in the world she managed to run around in my yard). Anyway, she had a blast trying to fly to the moon.  She didn’t quite make it — not that time anyway.

Like I said before she’s been kind of not well for a lot of years. It seems like every few months there’s something new. She had gone into the hospital a couple of weeks ago thinking she had kidney stones. After some tests, they decided to do a biopsy. On Wed night before Thanksgiving the doctor called and told her to come in on Friday to begin chemotherapy. The news rocked my world. It was like being punched in the gut for a minute. As the tears fell, I began to think about positive things. I had somehow managed to leave the house that day with no make-up on my face. As tears poured down my cheeks, I thought, “At least I don’t have make-up streaks.” That reminded me that I got that “look on the bright side of every situation” attitude from my mom. Another great thought was that I had just managed to make enough money selling my Ignite the Fire book online so that I could drive up to see her.

I left on Thanksgiving for the ten hour drive. Meanwhile, friends had been preparing a marvelous turkey dinner with all the fixin’s that they were taking over to my house. So, even though I wasn’t home, my kids still had a great Thanksgiving with friends — and each other!

When I was about 7 minutes from my exit, my car suddenly quit moving. So there I sat on a dark cold night, on the side of the road. I was ready to begin bawling. But again, I decided there must be something good. I said to God, “Well God, it’s just you and me, You may as well have a seat.” And He did. We had a nice little chat. I called a tow truck. Within about an hour, I was back on the road. I still don’t know why the car quit working. I’m praying it will not do that again!

It was probably time for me to have some good quality time with my mom. I wouldn’t have chosen to do it at her hospital bedside, but I’ll take anything I can get at this point.

Mom has been in a lot of pain for quite awhile. After the first day they gave her a morphine drip which made her say she has NO pain. Then she started passing kidney stones! How cool is that? She got to pass the stones while on a morphine drip.

My mom is one of those really special people —-  And that’s all I’m going to say about that now.

You can get your copy at http://www.homeschool.terricamp.com

Another great thing is that I’ve found all of my lost workshops! I’ve been able to transfer one of them into an mp3 file and I’m giving it away for FREE! It’s my most popular workshop, “Putting the Fun Into Home Education!” And you get it absolutely FREE!

While I was transfering it from a .wav file to an MP3 I listened to it. I had so much fun listening in and what a great reminder of all the fun things we had done. At the time of the recording David was out running my booth. He was 11. John was apparently in the audience. He was only 9. I could hear him turn and wave to the crowd and say, “Hi, I’m John.” How cute is that? Oh, that was another one of the workshops, but…he was still at that one. I will be completing the other four workshops and once I do that, I probably won’t be giving this one away for free anymore. So get it now!

I absolutely loved those younger years of homeschooling. I still love homeschooling actually. But now the kids are all so self-sufficient I’m not needed quite as much.

Just tonight I was telling someone I don’t even remember teaching Bryan to read. One day – he was just reading. And now he reads a lot! Today he came in my room to tell me he was on page 200 of a book, Brisingr, that he started last night. 

Erica told me she has written over 50,000 words in the past four months or so. Holy Schmoly! The cool thing about my conversation with Erica was that she was bragging on her siblings and their gifts and talents. She asked me if I had seen the picture of the English Wolfhound that Briana had drawn. I had seen it. Erica said, “She could make money selling her drawings!” I’ve actually thought of that. I thought she could make notecards for animal lovers and sell them. But she likes to keep her drawings to herself (and the family).

Erica said to me, “You know, I think the reason we are all passionate about things is because you gave us time to do the stuff we really love doing.” Wow! What a kid!

For Briana’s 15th birthday this is what I did — She likes to watch the game show, Deal or No Deal, so I decided to recreate the game to give her money for her birthday.

I bought a set of 16 small gift bags in a variety of colors at Target. They cost $2.99. I also bought some colored index cards for $1.25. I later bought some of those small packages of candy bars for 1.00 each at Wal Mart. I bought about 8 packages.

With a marker I numbered the bags from 1 – 16. Next I took 16 index cards and randomly put monetary denominations on them. I had gone to the bank and gotten enough money to cover any denomination she won (all tens) with the intention of giving her the full amount I had planned even if she ended up with a smaller amount. I randomly placed one index card inside each bag. I then filled 8 bags with enough candy to share with the other kids. I had also purchased the electronic game, Deal or No Deal as a tangible gift for her. One of the index cards said, “Deal or No Deal – Special Gift – Here’s a hint” Inside that bag were AA batteries. I then hid that present behind the couch.

I arranged the 16 bags on the fireplace mantel then called all the kids to the living room for the birthday eve celebration. (I let my kids stay up late and open their presents the night before their birthday so they can enjoy their presents the day of their birthday and they can sleep in late if they want)

The game begins with Briana choosing one bag. She chose #15 (her new age). I told her I knew she would pick that one. Of course that only adds to her question of if I also knew what I put in #15. As she would choose a bag I would reveal the contents. “Twix bars and $30.00 dollars. Deal…or no deal?” She doesn’t take the deal. I toss the candy out to the siblings and she gets one too. ‘

To add a bit to the suspense I did not tell her how much money she could “win” for her birthday. She did not know what the top price would be. When she picked #11 and it was the surprise gift with batteries she decided to take the deal, thinking I had bought her an IPod Touch (yea right!). I guess when you’re 15 anything is possible. I retrieved the electronic Deal or No Deal game. She enjoyed it and acted appreciative. We then took a vote and decided that she could also get a money prize. The game continued. At one point she decided to take a dollar amount which ended up being the top amount. But when I gave her the money, I pulled it out of a pouch that contained more money. Therefore she thought perhaps there was more to be had. It came down to her bag #15 and the money in her hand. She chose to take the unknown money in the bag. Ohhh..poor Briana….it was less than half the amount she already had. Again the siblings voted and decided she should be able to have the money she traded. One of them said, “I voted yes because I know she always shares and she’ll probably buy me something.”

We really had a great time playing this game for money. At one point she said to her siblings, “Hey, you guys are supposed to be helping me decide.” That’s when it really got fun as they would add their comments about what they would do, and what she should do. Bryan even looked around the living room and decided to use the Game Cube console as her “deal or no deal button.” He showed her how to work it to be a deal or a no deal.

As we were all sitting in the living room Briana said, “Most people just get an envelope with money. I’m glad you made it so much fun.” — tears, tears…Don’t you love when your kids appreciate you?

As I watched the people with their legs dangling, I said to her, “Honey, my life is a roller coaster right now, I don’t want to ride on my life.”

I could almost hear an announcer say, “Welcome – to the ride of your life!”

Almost four years have past since I was forced onto the “Ride of my life” and I have learned a lot in the process.

I’ve learned:

Bitterness must be fought with every ounce of my being or it will grow like mold and attempt to devour me like the big blob in the movie. When I had no energy left to do anything else, the fight to keep bitterness at bay was the best way to use my energy.

Forgiveness was not the same as forgetness. The act of forgiveness wasn’t just a one time thing. I had to repeatedly remind myself that I am going to walk in forgiveness. This was perhaps the most difficult of all as I really wanted to do bodily harm to someone. But forgiveness kept the poison from being in my body. I heard Amanda Gore say, “Being angry at someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” No poison for me thank you! I also had to remind myself that choosing to forgive was not choosing to forget and that I was going to be vigilant in protecting my children in the future, even though it meant a lot of difficulty and pain.

I wasn’t alone on the ride. Other people were on the ride with me, they just happened to be there holding my hand. When I found myself on the roller coaster ride from Hell, I discovered that I needed people there with me. I could not do it alone. It took a lot of courage to ask someone to come along for the ride – but I did it and it made the ride a little less bumpy.

Everything I’ve learned in life – I’ve learned from a roller coaster ride!
Strap in – Close your eyes – Throw up your arms – and scream!

Strap in:
Oh boy did I need to strap in. You know what happens if the harnesses aren’t tight? Yep, you die! Strapping in for me meant that I really needed to press into God. I had to count on him for everything! There is a great song that talks about Jesus being your all in all. I remember singing that song a lot in those days.

Close your eyes:
One of my ta-dah tidbits on twitter was, “If you want to see your abundance, sometimes you have to close your eyes.” What we see with our eyes will often scare the heebie jeebies out of us. But when we close our eyes, we can see our life differently. For awhile it seemed like there was new stuff being thrown at me all the time. It got to the point that when something horrible came flying at me, I would close my eyes and say, “I’m excited to see how this will turn out when it’s all over.” You know, when the ride is over, you might throw up, but eventually, you’re going to be able to lie down in your bed and sleep peacefully.

Throw up your arms:
I’m not a throw up your arms during roller coaster rides kind of people. I’m the kind the holds on until my knuckles turn white. Do you know what this does to your body? It tenses it up! It makes the ride more intense. Once I figured out that the act of throwing up my arms meant that I was releasing the tension, it made all the difference in the world. To throw up your arms on a roller coaster means that you have to surrender completely – no holding on to the results. I really admire those people who can get on a ride and set their minds to not holding on. I tried it once, and the way it freed me was amazing! Now, when I’m faced with new twists and turns, I just make myself release my grip, and throw up my arms.

Scream:
Sometimes the best thing to do is what feels good. I actually had a “to do list” of things to do when I was feeling like my life was sucky. Go to a movie, eat some chocolate, listen to a Jim Brinkman CD, read The Shack, go to the lake, take a walk in the park, play a game with the kids, etc. I would challenge you to make yourself a “Need a break” to-do list. When we need it, it’s hard to remember the things that help. If you have a list, you can just do one of the things without having to think about it. Because thinking at a time like that, only hurts more.

If you’re longing for a leisurely merry go round ride but it’s not what is happening, the best thing you can do, is … read my blog.

http://www.tadahmom.com and the ta-dah mom community http://www.tadahmoms.com

I have a lot of plans and I know the site will evolve as time goes on.

Take a look and see how awesome it is!

It is actually a fulfillment of my life-long passion to help women/moms. In fact, now that I’m writing this post, the tears are beginning to flow. (get a grip Terri)

It will be like my columns, speaking engagements, books, and radio broadcast all in one place and for a rock bottom price.

I sure hope you join me at Ta-Dah Mom!