More Pain? No Gain!
June 4, 2009
I love a good treasure hunt. I use them all the time with educating my children, gift exchanges, etc. They are great fun!
One of my first memories of doing treasure hunts was on my 13th birthday. I planned a great scavenger hunt and hoped that I could get on “his” team. You see, I invited “him” because I liked him. I also invited the girl he liked, because I knew he would come if she was coming. I even mentioned to him that she was coming to the party. Why did I do this? Because I wanted to be near “him” even though I knew the event would cause me pain, watching him with this other girl and wishing it were me.
Through the years I have done a lot of things and asked a lot of questions that I knew would cause me additional pain. How many of us ask the question, “Do I look fat?” We think we look fat, but we want someone to tell us we don’t. If they say we don’t, we question them further until they finally break down and tell us we look fat.
I wonder if this all comes from when we were little kids crying about something when our mom tells us to stop crying or she’ll give us something to cry about. Maybe, we’re still looking for the reason to cry??? I don’t know why, but I think we’re stupid and should do everything in our power to stop allowing ourselves to make more pain for ourselves.
A lot of this pain is even manufactured in our own thoughts. I remember one night when I was married and my husband hadn’t arrived home when I expected him. Suddenly my mind was all awhirl with possibilities. As I thought about them intently, I even began crying as I saw myself standing at his funeral. When he came in the front door about an hour late, I was now angry at him for causing me so much pain. He actually hadn’t done anything. I was the one manufacturing the pain in my own thoughts.
I’ve actually come to believe that the pain we manufacture in our minds actually in a weird sort of way makes us feel good, like we’re alive. But it’s so wrong on so many levels.
For one, The Bible itself tells us, “whatever is pure, whatever is noble, whatever is of good report, think upon these things.” Yet, we tend to train our minds to think about the things that cause us pain – and more pain – and even go on treasure hunts to find even more pain.
Another reason it’s wrong is that it affects our relationships with people in such a negative way. They begin to wonder if we want them to cause us pain because we ask them such questions that only have an answer that would cause pain.
In one of my former relationships, the person would constantly want me to justify to them why I had broken up with them. Over and over he would want my reasons for leaving him. Who does that help? It only forced me to continue to tell him what I didn’t like about him that was enough for me to break up with him.
I’ve done it too. I remember sobbing to someone on the phone once, “Why don’t you want me?” Oh my goodness, what was I thinking? Hurt me more?
I’ve even gone so far as searching for things that would even cause me more pain. I think perhaps I thought it would help if I only “knew the truth.” – and we all know, “the truth will set you free.” But that statement used in this way is totally incorrect. It’s more accurately “the Truth will set you free.”
Ladies – ladies – ladies (am I listening???) We need to stop causing ourselves more pain! We need to turn our lives around to the place where we are expecting joy – not sorrow.
Okay, so how do we do this?
Of course we can’t change everything in one day, so I’m going to just ask you to be aware. Be aware of those questions you ask of others that can only produce one result – more pain. Usually that question begins with the word, Why did you….and relates to us.
One more thing I want you to notice is how you process your thoughts. When something happens, like a child isn’t home on time, where do your thoughts go? Do they go to positive things like, “Oh he probably just got talking with his friends and lost track of time?” Or do you begin to think the worst? “Maybe he ran out of gas? Maybe he was in a car accident? Oh NOOOOOO! And pretty soon we’re all worked up. Then they come in the front door and say, “Sorry, I lost track of time.”
When you are feeling yourself pained. Stop and ask yourself, is this related to the way I’m thinking?
I’m on a new treasure hunt – looking for that great treasure that resides in my own mind.
Ahhh…lying here on the beach so relaxed …. (reality check – sitting in a car waiting)
I just found this video!!! It’s awesome! Take a look.
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