Strap in, Close Your Eyes, Throw Up Your Arms, and Scream
June 6, 2009
Shortly after moving to Texas, I took my kids to Six Flags for the day. Briana was watching The Batman go up and down, twist around, and fall. She was so excited and said to me, “Mom! Let’s go on The Batman!”
As I watched the people with their legs dangling, I said to her, “Honey, my life is a roller coaster right now, I don’t want to ride on my life.”
I could almost hear an announcer say, “Welcome – to the ride of your life!”
Almost four years have past since I was forced onto the “Ride of my life” and I have learned a lot in the process.
I’ve learned:
Bitterness must be fought with every ounce of my being or it will grow like mold and attempt to devour me like the big blob in the movie. When I had no energy left to do anything else, the fight to keep bitterness at bay was the best way to use my energy.
Forgiveness was not the same as forgetness. The act of forgiveness wasn’t just a one time thing. I had to repeatedly remind myself that I am going to walk in forgiveness. This was perhaps the most difficult of all as I really wanted to do bodily harm to someone. But forgiveness kept the poison from being in my body. I heard Amanda Gore say, “Being angry at someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” No poison for me thank you! I also had to remind myself that choosing to forgive was not choosing to forget and that I was going to be vigilant in protecting my children in the future, even though it meant a lot of difficulty and pain.
I wasn’t alone on the ride. Other people were on the ride with me, they just happened to be there holding my hand. When I found myself on the roller coaster ride from Hell, I discovered that I needed people there with me. I could not do it alone. It took a lot of courage to ask someone to come along for the ride – but I did it and it made the ride a little less bumpy.
Everything I’ve learned in life – I’ve learned from a roller coaster ride!
Strap in – Close your eyes – Throw up your arms – and scream!
Strap in:
Oh boy did I need to strap in. You know what happens if the harnesses aren’t tight? Yep, you die! Strapping in for me meant that I really needed to press into God. I had to count on him for everything! There is a great song that talks about Jesus being your all in all. I remember singing that song a lot in those days.
Close your eyes:
One of my ta-dah tidbits on twitter was, “If you want to see your abundance, sometimes you have to close your eyes.” What we see with our eyes will often scare the heebie jeebies out of us. But when we close our eyes, we can see our life differently. For awhile it seemed like there was new stuff being thrown at me all the time. It got to the point that when something horrible came flying at me, I would close my eyes and say, “I’m excited to see how this will turn out when it’s all over.” You know, when the ride is over, you might throw up, but eventually, you’re going to be able to lie down in your bed and sleep peacefully.
Throw up your arms:
I’m not a throw up your arms during roller coaster rides kind of people. I’m the kind the holds on until my knuckles turn white. Do you know what this does to your body? It tenses it up! It makes the ride more intense. Once I figured out that the act of throwing up my arms meant that I was releasing the tension, it made all the difference in the world. To throw up your arms on a roller coaster means that you have to surrender completely – no holding on to the results. I really admire those people who can get on a ride and set their minds to not holding on. I tried it once, and the way it freed me was amazing! Now, when I’m faced with new twists and turns, I just make myself release my grip, and throw up my arms.
Scream:
Sometimes the best thing to do is what feels good. I actually had a “to do list” of things to do when I was feeling like my life was sucky. Go to a movie, eat some chocolate, listen to a Jim Brinkman CD, read The Shack, go to the lake, take a walk in the park, play a game with the kids, etc. I would challenge you to make yourself a “Need a break” to-do list. When we need it, it’s hard to remember the things that help. If you have a list, you can just do one of the things without having to think about it. Because thinking at a time like that, only hurts more.
If you’re longing for a leisurely merry go round ride but it’s not what is happening, the best thing you can do, is … read my blog.
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Amen and amen! So well said! Thank you!