I get the most satisfaction and the greatest high when I’m on stage speaking to women. When I hear them laugh, my heart soars. When I see their tears, I know I’ve connected with them. When they come up to me afterward, sometimes years later, and tell me that this one sentence made a difference in their lives, I know that this is what I want to be when I grow up.
But then I go home with the $65.00 in book sales in my pocket and I feel that while this is what I love to do, making a living, feeding my children, putting a roof over their heads requires something
different/more from me. But I just can’t get away from the idea of being a full-time speaker writer.
And maybe this is why I struggle so much? Maybe I just need to sit down and figure out what it will take to make that happen? Will I need 3 gigs a week where I make $500 a gig? Is that unrealistic? Do I need to develop a bunch of back of the room products so I can speak for free but make the money in the back? Do I need to get this book published that I’m working on so more opportunities will arise for me.
Do I want to continue working as a REALTOR full time while speaking part time? Do I want to just go get a job so I can be home at the end of the day and just “be home,” instead of working on things 12 – 14 hours a day when it feels like I’m spinning wheels all day long.
The idea of just getting a job sounds almost delightful, until I think, who will take kids to and from work? Who will be there when they need to come in and talk at 3:00 in the afternoon? Then I get down on myself a bit for not being the type of person who wants a job. I’m not opposed to hard work, I do it constantly. But I’m such an entrepreneur at heart. It’s tough on my psyche.
Then there is the product I want to develop. It will save children’s lives! But it will require every ounce of my being to get it prototyped, patented, marketed, etc. And then the fear part plays in my head which says, “and maybe you’ll do all that work and it won’t amount to anything?” Yes, even I, the motivational speaker person can hear negative thoughts in my head.
Or do I want to lease that building on main street and sell something to people? Something? I know what it is, but can I do it starting from scratch?
And finally, it seems like I should be able to take all these things, wrap them in a nice little package and do it all! The pretty bow on top tells me I started from nothing and created an empire. Yea, sometimes I really think BIG.
And there my friends, are the ramblings of one who doesn’t quite know what I want to be when I grow up.